I’m in the process of moving from one office to another here at FINK Headquarters. Because of this, I’ve been doing a bit of organizing and housecleaning. I came across this list of tips on leading discussions, first published way back in 1996.

Ten Steps to Better Discussions

1. Remember everyone is the learner: In authentic education, everyone is a lifelong learner. Allow for everyone in the group to grow as a discussion leader by first modeling the behavior.

2. Trust and Respect are up front:  Kids will feel comfortable in sharing within the small group if they know two things: They are listened to without judgment; and they feel secure in the confidentiality of the group. Establish this right away to get off on the right foot. Creating a Group Covenant together is a great way to start. (Remember: Confidentiality of information is important, but the safety of the people in the group is most important. Any information regarding unsafe practices or behavior should be reported.)

3. Practice non-verbals: The actual physical conversation that takes place is only 15% of the communication that occurs. Eye contact, open body language and facial expression make up for 85% of all communication that takes place. If you want to be an effective discussion leader, practice and master the art of non-verbal communication.

4. Listen more, talk less: People aren’t going to care what you know until they know that you care. One way to model care in the small group is by being an active listener.

5. Prepare, but be flexible: To not be prepared to lead a group discussion would communicate that you don’t have time for the group. By all means have a list of questions prepared for the session. However, the holy spirit often has a teaching moment in mind that didn’t make your discussion sheet. Use those teachable moments to enrich the discussion and strengthen the experience of your small group.

6. Start questions in the shallow end: Begin your group discussion by asking real non-threatening questions and allow for follow up conversation to give everyone the opportunity to warm up to the community each week.  When you feel folks are sufficiently warmed up, go deep!

7. Questions, Questions, Questions: The most effective questions you can ask are the same questions that will lead to other questions. These are called “Open-ended questions.” If the goal is learning, make it as easy as possible by probing with these type of questions,

8. Make silence golden: People, by nature, are uncomfortable with silence. Use it as an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to work through you and the question for a great learning moment. You’re dealing with thoughtful kids and oftentimes, deep subjects; allow for some time to ponder.

9. Share your experience: The value of a life lived cannot be underestimated in the process of leading a discussion. Use experiences of faith building, questioning and difficult times to strengthen as a teaching tool. BE CAREFUL: This group is not just a personal forum to air your pain and suffering. Use your personal experience as a jump-off point to build the self-esteem of those in the group, not your own.

10. Force sharing is not sharing: Sometimes the issue of the day is personal enough to a person in the group where it’s just too much to share. Reassure them that when they want to share, the group is there to listen. You can’t imagine the learning that takes place deep in the mind of a child.